Cara persona che non esiste,
-credo tu non esista perchè in realtà sei tutti, stai dentro ognuno- sto facendo degli errori.
Sto facendo degli errori e vorrei riuscire a confessarteli, tutti, anche quelli che ho già fatto e quelli che so che farò. Vorrei confessarteli perchè sarebbe l'unico modo per smettere di farli, per provare a migliorarmi, se non altro venendo messa davanti ai miei difetti.
L'ammissione di un problema è il primo pgrande passo, quello definitivo, ma non è senso di colpa. Non è catarsi. E' richiesta di aiuto. E' richiesta di un giudizio che ti faccia sentire da qualcun'altro -che non sia te stesso- che stai sbagliando.
Io già lo so. E so anche che me lo diresti anche tu.
Quindi forse in effetti non ho poi così bisogno di te, cara persona che non esiste. Sei un po' in chiunque, cara persona, anche in me, perciò sarebbe banale sentirti parlare.
Non ho bisogno di te se no ti darei un'identità, una qualunque, che sarebbe anche veritiera in ogni caso. Ti darei un nome, una faccia.
Ma non lo faccio, non l'ho ancora fatto, perciò non ho ancora bisogno di te.
Sappi solo che sto facendo degli errori.
Ma non esisti ancora, finchè io non voglio farti esistere. Quindi forse, finchè non sai, non esistono nemmeno i miei errori.
Ciao caro amico che non esisti. Grazie di non esistere.
A presto.
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commento parte 1
RispondiElimina'Can you come out with me to the squad car so we can sit and i can consult you?'
'Yes indeed,' Father Faine said; he followed Tinbane back into the front room of the establishment, past Cheryl Vale, who was still talking on the phone, and out where Tinbane had parked the squad car.
For a moment they sat in silence. Then Father Fain said, 'Does it have to do with adultery?' Like Sebhe, too, was undoubtedly slightly psionic.
'Hell no,' Tinbane said. 'It has to do with certain thoughts i've had, not like any i ever had before. You see - there's this situation i can profit from. But at someone else's expense. Now, whose good should come first? If theirs, then why? Why not mine? I'm a person too. I don't get it.' He lapsed into brooding stillness again. 'Okay, so it does have to do with a woman, but the adultery part isn't the part i'm talking about; it's about hurting her, this girl. I've got a hold over her where i think - i just think; i don't know - i could make her go to bed with me.' He wondered if Father Faine's mild telepathic ability would enable him to distinguish the image of Lotta Hermes; he hoped to hell not... but then of course the pastor was pledged to silence. Still, it would be ankward.
'Do you love her?' Father Faine asked.
That stopped him. Cold. 'Yes,' he said finally. It was true; he did. It had never entered its conscious thoughts, but there it was. So this was the spur goading him; from this came the baffling thought-processes.
'Is she married?'
'No,' he said. Just to play it safe.
Father Faine said presently, 'But she doesn't love you.'
'Oh hell no; she loves her husband.' He realized, the, istantly, what he had said, and how easily Father Faine could decipher why he had said she wasn't married; he would know it had to be Lotta. 'And he's a good friend of mine,' he said. 'I don't want to hurt him.' But i do really love her, he thought. And that hurts; and that's what's making me feel the way i do; when you love someone you want to be with her, you want to have her as your wife or girlfriend. It's natural; it's biologic.
commento parte 2
RispondiEliminaFather Fain said, 'Be careful that you don't tell me the names. I don't know how much you know about the rite of confession, but it's always obligatory not to mention names.'
'I'm not confessing!' He felt indignation. 'I'm just asking for your professional opinion.' Was he confessing - a sin? in a sense, yes; he was asking for help but he was also requesting absolution. Forgiveness for what he had thought, for what he might do; forgiveness for what he was in essence; this was his essence talking, this part of him that longed for Lotta Hermes and was willing to navigate any difficult series of maneuverings to acquire her, like a salmon flopping and flapping its way against the tidal currents.
'Man,' Father Fain said, 'is on the one hand an animal, with animal passions. It's not your fault, not your fault for having illicit yearnings that transgress God's moral law.'
'Yes, but i have an higher nature,' he said, bitingly. But it doesn't get in the way, he thought; that's not the real conflict. There really is no part of me rejecting this.
What i want, he realized, is not advice on what is right, or even absolution. I want a blueprint by which this can be brought about.
'I can't help you there,' Father Fain said. Somewhat sadly.
Startled, aware of the near-psionic reading of his mind, he said, 'You sure can figure out what a person's thinking.' He wished, now, to terminate the discussion; father Faine, however, was not ready to let him go: he had, he realized, to pay the price of consulting him.
Father faine said, 'You are not afraid of doing wrong; you're afraid of trying to do wrong and failing, and have everyone know. The girl you want, her husband; you are afraid you'll fail and there they'll be, a united front against you, shutting you out.' His tone was critical and upbraiding. 'You have, you say, a certain hold over this girl; suppose you make the try and she jumps the wrong way, gets frightened and huddles up to her husband - which isn't so unnatural - and you're a - ' He gestured. 'I think the phrase is, "a horse's mouth".'
Philip K. Dick, Counter-clock world.
Scusa se il commento è più lungo del post, ma mi hai fatto venire in mente quel passo, così l'ho riportato.
note:
"lapsed into brooding stillness" = cadde in immobilità pensierosa.
"the spur goading him" = lo stimolo che lo spronava.
"a horse's mouth" = intende in realtà "a horse's ass", ma nel contesto del romanzo deve scrivere mouth, e non importa il perchè, qui.
Quando la persona che non esiste esistera', allora non esistera' piu'. Ingarbugliarmi il cervello e' il mio hobby preferito!
RispondiEliminaP.S. Curiosavo un po' in giro e ti ho trovato! Mi piace questo posto.
Scema Vale. Smack
RispondiElimina